Ambition has a gender problem. In men, it is admired; when women hold ambitions, they are judged, criticised, and labelled.
From Encouragement to Scrutiny
Families often encourage daughters to aim high and be successful in their lives. However, when girls pursue their dreams, society becomes hypocritical. A conflict arises between their ambitions and traditional duties. Soon, the hands which applaud for them fall silent. The eyes which see their daughter with pride start scrutinising. Encouragement soon becomes selective and their ambitions get labelled.
This is the real dilemma of society. We live in a society where men are rewarded for their dreams and women get censured and penalised for aiming higher. Such a hypocritical attitude makes ambition gender-biased. Society starts to see highly ambitious sons as a blessing; when it comes to girls, their ambitions become a hurdle to the responsibilities society assigns.
Childhood Socialisation and Gendered Expectations
Such discriminatory behaviour does not start in adulthood. Since childhood, the practice of grooming girls and boys on different benchmarks continues. It is always expected from boys to be brave, assertive, and responsible, and from girls to be polite, compliant, and dutiful. Eventually, society starts feeding them gendered ideas of ambition. With time, ambition does not remain confined to a neutral zone. It starts roaming and losing its essence in the labyrinth of patriarchy.
Resultantly, men receive compliments for being confident, innovative, and visionary. Women with such traits are often criticised and made apologetic. If a man is assertive, he gets leadership roles. However, assertive women get the labels of being arrogant and tough. Successful men are admired for their hard work, but the same success becomes questionable for women. They have to justify their position to earn credit for success. They feel as if ambition is reserved for one gender, and for the other, it must be justified, earned, and excused.
The Workplace and Cultural Norms in Pakistan
At the workplace, the ambition gap between men and women is also evident. Men who negotiate for higher pay are seen as “confident,” and such women are considered “demanding” and “over-ambitious.” Men are preferred for top-tier positions, and when women take over positions in the upper hierarchy, they gain recognition as “bossy.”
In Pakistan, patriarchy is entrenched. The prevalent cultural norms and traditional gender roles often shape the idea of ambition. In a patriarchal society, men’s ambitions are considered important as they have to provide for the family. For women, the cultural judgement is really harsh. Girls are allowed to achieve their goals as long as they do not compromise on their duties. When this stage comes, they are reproached for neglecting their duties to marriage and family.
On top of that, society expects working women to fulfil caregiving and conjugal responsibilities with near perfection. They are clearly told that pursuing their dreams is their “choice” and fulfilling these responsibilities as a wife, mother, and sister is “non-negotiable.” When women fail to deliver on these duties, society is quick to point fingers. A barrage of criticism starts pouring in. Girls are labelled as “defiant,” “rebellious,” and “progressive” — enough to make them guilty of pursuing their dreams.
The Illusion of Gender Equality
The world thinks that we have achieved gender equality as women are excelling in parliaments, technology, and leadership roles. The real issue lies in perception. Society appreciates professional success unless it clashes against family duties and marriage expectations. Families encourage their daughters to get a degree but expect them to choose socially acceptable and mediocre careers. They ask them to dream big, but when necessary, force them to sacrifice their goals at the altar of societal terms. Hence, no one can witness true equality when half of the population is compelled to dim the lights of their achievements so the other half can shine more brightly. Is this really equality when women have to compromise on their dreams to fit into the cultural and traditional roles? Can one really call ambition “gender neutral” when it is admired in one and doubted in the other?
Changing Mindsets
We do not require fundamental change in our policies, but in our mindset. We often motivate our daughters to be confident, lean in, and dream bigger, and when they do, we become uncomfortable and hypocritical. This needs to be changed. Society must embrace ambition wholeheartedly without discriminating against its source of origin. We must give women confidence that pursuing goals does not make them less of a mother, wife, or daughter, but makes more of them.