Like other pieces of writing circulating on different platforms, I would not start with the same thing. We all know who Gullan was, a miserable girl being left at the mercy of a ruthless, so-called head of the family. As far as mentioning the reason for killing is concerned, a killing is always a crime no matter what the reason is. When it comes to her, the reason highlighted is honour. She was killed because her actions allegedly damaged the honour of her estranged husband. I mean, how ridiculous it is that a person does not have his own honour and relies entirely on another person, a person who is already separated from him. That is another debate that I will take up in another article.
Today, I am trying to comprehend when and how things went wrong and what could have been done differently that could have saved her. There is nothing wrong with saying that Pakistan is a patriarchal society where, from an early age, we feed this narrative to our kids: you, being a boy, will do this, and she, being a girl, will tolerate this. It all circles back to identity formation in early childhood when gender roles are defined and made part of a child’s personality, denying the fundamental principle of human rights that all human beings are equal. By equality I mean every individual has an equal right to life, an equal right to respect, and an equal right to be treated as a human being. Undoubtedly, Gullan’s murder was an honour killing, but before that, it was a violation of universal human rights.
Gender superiority is a socially invented phenomenon to normalise the notion of submissiveness.
Gullan Buharo was not just murdered in the name of honour; she became a victim of a fragile male ego. When she resisted his oppression, he resorted to the one and only tool that his society legitimises, i.e., Karo-Kari. She had been living with her father for about two to three years. When we analyse the timeline of events, it is clearly evident that she had been suffering persistent torture. This was the first step leading her to that miserable end: endurance that, unfortunately, our society, whether in rural or urban areas, glorifies as “adjustment” and “compromise”.
Despite living with her parents, she had to flee to seek protection. Imagine one day you have to run away from your own house, in the middle of the night, passing through rough terrain all alone, to find a safe place and to find safety for yourself – from whom? Your own family? She was not just struggling for her life; she was seeking protection from those who were supposed to be her protectors. I can’t explain in words the psychological pain she had been through amidst all of this.
But all in vain, she agreed to go with her father for his sake. One thing is quite striking here: who taught her that her father’s honour would only be saved if she agreed to his selfishness? Who taught her that the sacrifice and then sacrifice of her own life would show her love and obedience to her father?
I have a few questions here. What about her kids? What legacy did she leave behind? Why did she leave them with the people who killed her? She knew it; she declared it: “I know I will be killed.” Then why did she make such a fatal choice?
It is not just the system that failed her; her family failed her, and we as a society failed her. Even after this incident, what has changed? Do we now empower our girls? Do we now understand the importance of giving economic bargaining power to our daughters? Do we now see that honour is not attached to another person? It is the action and character of that particular person that make him honourable and dishonourable.
Nothing is going to change until we truly change the cultural norms that normalise the suppression and violence. We need to promote healthy relationships and gender equality among our children. We must create awareness in our society to recognise the early signs of violence to prevent such tragedies from happening; until we build such a system, no legislation can work. Last but not least, the best thing you can give to your daughter is economic freedom. Choose economic empowerment over dowry. Then no daughter has to seek protection from the protector.