At some point in our lives, we all lose someone we love. The grief that touches one’s heart during such a loss is enduring; no words can fully capture the depth of that pain. Unfortunately, many modernised and Westernised societies fail to appreciate this reality — treating grief as a knot to be unpicked or a temporary psychological disruption that requires clinical intervention. However, Jacques Derrida’s reflections on mourning alongside Eastern perspectives on impermanence encourage us to view loss through a different lens.
Philosophical Thoughts of Jacques Derrida
Losing a loved one requires us to release the shared life we built with them. Yet, as the French philosopher Jacques Derrida argued in The Work of Mourning (2001), attempting to neatly process loss by fully internalising the deceased risks erasing their original identity. This does not imply that one must weep incessantly, but rather that mourning is ethically necessary — not a failure, an illness, or a disorder.
Grief is not merely an internal emotion; when a loved one dies, the surrounding world collapses. In Specters of Marx (1993), Derrida observed that the past and the dead never truly depart; they continue to haunt the present. This haunting is entirely natural and does not automatically demand clinical treatment — though this is not to suggest that seeking psychological support is improper when needed. Furthermore, Derrida suggested that grief is inherent to love from its inception; the moment we grow close to someone, we implicitly acknowledge that one of us will eventually mourn the other. Grieving the dead is simply how love manifests after loss.
Eastern Perspectives on Impermanence
Eastern philosophical traditions offer complementary insights. Buddhist philosophy highlights the concept of impermanence — the reality that all things change and nothing, including one’s sense of self, remains static forever. While pain is natural, additional suffering arises when we resist change and demand that things remain as they were. Similarly, Taoism and traditional Japanese aesthetics emphasise accepting the fluid, impermanent nature of existence.
Today, loss occupies an uncomfortable space in contemporary culture. Consider a child who loses their parents: initially, community support is abundant, but over time, an unspoken expectation emerges that the child — and everyone else — must “move on.” Those who struggle to do so are often categorized as suffering from a psychological disorder requiring therapy. This societal pressure operates on an subtle, unconscious level, compelling grieving individuals to return to school, work, or social routines before they are genuinely ready, simply to satisfy external expectations.
A broader recognition is needed that this rigid mindset weakens social cohesion. By rethinking loss through Derrida’s philosophy and Eastern understandings of impermanence, societies can foster more compassionate communities. Rather than urging individuals to move past their pain, communities can encourage open reflection and help preserve the memory of those who have died.
Conclusion
We do not need to forget the dead in order to live meaningfully. While many believe that forgetting eases pain, the opposite is often true. The goal is not to discourage grieving individuals from seeking psychological care when helpful, but rather to shift how the broader world perceives and responds to grief.