In my opinion, ambition has a gender problem. In men, it is admired, and when women hold ambitions, they are judged, criticised and labelled.
Families often encourage daughters to aim high and be successful in their lives. When girls pursue their dreams, society becomes hypocritical. A conflict arises between their ambitions and traditional duties. Soon, the hands that applaud for them fall silent. The eyes that see their daughter with pride start scrutinising. Encouragement soon becomes selective, and their ambitions get labelled.
Here comes the dilemma of our society: rewarding men for their dreams and punishing women for aiming higher. Consequently, ambition does not remain gender-neutral; it becomes gendered, burdensome and biased. Here, a question arises: why is a highly ambitious son considered a blessing while a highly ambitious daughter is seen as a challenge to manage?
Since childhood, society has been grooming boys and girls on different benchmarks. Boys are expected to be assertive, masculine and responsible. Girls are expected to be polite, shy, compliant, and dutiful. When it comes to discussing ambition, society sees it differently through the lens of gender.
Men often receive compliments for being visionary, innovative and confident. Women are criticised and made apologetic. If a man is assertive, he is seen as suitable for leadership. On the contrary, assertive women are often viewed as difficult, dominating, and tough. Successful men are praised for their hard work, but the same success raises many questions for women. They have to answer society’s questions to earn credit. They feel that as if ambition is reserved for one gender, and for the other, it must be justified and excused.
At the workplace, the ambition gap between men and women is also evident. Men who negotiate for higher pay are seen as “confident,” and such women are considered “demanding” and “over-ambitious.” Men are preferred for top-tier positions, and when women take over positions in the upper hierarchy, they gain recognition as “bossy.” Despite pushing against these biases, women find themselves hitting a glass ceiling. Consequently, women are appreciated for their competence, but do not get a chance to lead the team.
In Pakistan, patriarchy is entrenched. The prevalent cultural norms and traditional gender roles often shape the idea of ambition. In a patriarchal society, men’s ambitions are considered important as they have to provide for the family. For women, the cultural judgement is really harsh. Girls are allowed to achieve their goals as long as they do not compromise on their duties. When they reach this stage, they are reproached for neglecting their duties to marriage and family.
On top of that, society expects working women to fulfil caregiving and marriage responsibilities with near perfection. They are clearly told that pursuing their dreams is their “choice” and fulfilling these responsibilities as a wife, mother, and sister is “non-negotiable.” When women fail to deliver on these duties, society is quick to point fingers. A barrage of criticism starts pouring in. Girls are labelled as “defiant,” “rebellious,” and “progressive,” enough to make them guilty of pursuing their dreams.
The world thinks that we have achieved gender equality as women are excelling in parliaments, technology, and leadership roles. The real issue lies in perception. Society appreciates professional success unless it conflicts with marriage expectations. Families encourage their daughters to get a degree but expect them to choose socially acceptable careers. So, it is difficult to witness true equality when half of the population is forced to dim their light so the other half can gleam more brightly. Is this really equality when women have to compromise on their ambitions to fit into the cultural and traditional roles? Can one really call ambition “gender neutral” when it is admired in one and doubted in the other?
The fundamental change we require is not in our policies but in our mindset. We often motivate our daughters to be confident, lean in and dream bigger and when they do, we become uncomfortable and hypocritical. This needs to be changed. Society must embrace ambition wholeheartedly without discriminating against their source of origin. We must give women confidence that pursuing goals does not make them less of a mother, wife or daughter, but makes more of them.