A document specially curated for the most essential class of society, whose children are struggling since the day they are separated from their mother’s womb: the middle class. It is our core responsibility to find common ground for effective manipulation so that you all can remain satisfied in an infinite loop of financial struggle. We can’t take away your pain, but we can definitely make you smile, because less is more, right?
If any of your queries are not answered here, feel free to contact us; you will receive a lullaby via our auto-generated text from the artificial intelligence chatbot.
- Why does the power go out even though I pay all the bills?
It’s an understandable concern that people have regarding this issue, and the government is working through thick and thin to ensure a load-shedding-free Pakistan. To eradicate load shedding, it is essential to preserve hydropower, which the government is doing by conducting load shedding once or even thrice a day during the peak months of summer; in other words, we shut off electricity so that the electricity doesn’t go out. Now it’s your responsibility to find logic in that. Hence, it is requested to remain patient and cooperate with the government’s energy conservation scheme to stop load shedding, for which cutting power supplies is mandatory.
- Why has the price of tomatoes quadrupled since last week?
It is important to acknowledge that tomatoes are much more valuable than gold or petroleum, which is why their prices fluctuate every week. The tomatoes don’t arrive on your plate on a smooth journey; they go through a soldier’s everyday life to finally reach your dining room. The changing seasons can cause sudden weather catastrophes like flooding and drought that can minimize the supply, and other various factors like the increased price rates of fertilizers and petroleum or transport expenses, eventually making a tomato of 50 rupees per kilogram to reach the rate of 150 to 700 rupees per kilogram. Hence, it is advisable to replace your tomatoes with a ketchup bottle and learn to compromise on the taste of your salan, just as you are compromising in every other sphere of life.
- I was told inflation was coming down. Why is it increasing every year?
I understand how this situation might be perceived from your point of view, but inflation is a self-imposed distress, and its drastic effects can be minimized by cutting luxuries like eggs, a bottle of milk, chicken, or a packet of pasta, or by utilising cooling fans. It is completely up to the individual to manage their expenditure by the deduction of luxurious wishes like eating an egg every day for breakfast; consequently, it is practical to try eating one egg per month and use a pakhi in summers instead of a pankha, to reduce the drastic effects of inflation as much as possible.
- If I can’t afford an increase in school fees, what are my options?
There are plenty of available options. In order to protect your child’s right to education, simply navigate to the school administration to seek fee compensation through scholarship or sibling discount programs, and then spend another 3-4 days being humiliated in their queues. When you feel your eyes have finally been opened from those unrealistic expectations, shift your child from a private to a government school. Many new provincial reforms have been introduced to fool the people and extract votes in elections. I’m having to hold back my laughter just to tell you formally that you should give those government institutions a try. The shift might slightly hurt your child’s mental health, but the good news is that middle-class families tend to disregard their children’s mental health anyway by labeling it an abstract concept.
- How do I manage my budget when petrol prices are revised every two weeks?
We have carefully reviewed your question. It is to inform you that managing the petrol budget is like trying to control the uncontrollable weather. Nevertheless, in the interest of your well-being, we recommend letting your car rust in your backyard and using it only on special occasions like weddings and funerals. It is also advisable to keep commuting to and fro, from home on a free motorcycle ride with strangers or friends; there, your need for petrol would hopefully cease.
Note: Please make sure it’s a “double siware’’ and not a triple ride. As you know about our policies, we strictly can’t stand the middle class staying happy, because neither will we make petrol cheaper nor will we reduce the fee of traffic challans.
- Why would an increase in the dollar rate affect the price of our grocery items?
We totally understand your concern, but try not to ask such sensible questions, because in the end, you’re going to vote for us anyway, no matter how much inflation we bring. Still, it’s our duty to give you a lame excuse, so let us explain. The rise in dollar rates is one of the external stimuli contributing to domestic problems in developing states like Pakistan. Thus, the rise in dollar rates is due to excessive demand for dollars by foreign central banks or by foreign labourers earning in dollars. In simple terms, the exchange rate of the dollar is driven entirely by middle-class people like you who go abroad to earn dollars. Because of their demand, the dollar becomes scarce, and all of you end up suffering. So, either bring them back or move there yourselves.
- Will things get better in 25 years? If yes, what should I do in the meantime?
Thank you for your valid question. It shows that you people have no interest in self-growth; all you want is a messiah. And because of this endless search for a messiah, you’ll surely remain middle class for the rest of your lives. But that’s actually good, because otherwise, who would we fool into voting for us?
Our advice is to stay in your delusion and keep waiting for Pakistan’s progress. And while you’re at it, wait for the next election season so we can put on another show of false promises and come back to bandage your wounds.
We truly hope that all your doubts have now been addressed through the document. Please continue living in delusion, remain entangled in your troubles, and be a little more middle-class for amplified chances for monsters like us to keep tearing you apart piece by piece.
Thank you for being middle-class in Pakistan
Your continuous class struggle is truly appreciated.