Dear Mr Ahmad,

Hope you are doing well!

There has been speculation going around regarding your last blog. It has come to our attention that you have claimed in your article that the reason why unemployment — which has been ever-present since our independence — persists is that the government hasn’t done anything about it. That even after years of being in power, they haven’t equipped our education system with tools that will help us protect our authenticity as creative and alive humans while maintaining our livelihood. I mean, sure, the undeniable and documented allocation of 46 billion dollars towards higher education vs 838 billion dollars in the Benazir Income Support Programme by the current budget clearly showcases the government’s priority. But, come on! Do you really believe the government that literally is run on people’s indifference will abandon them? Whose ignorance fuels the regime’s interests that ultimately allows its continuation. Of course it cares for us.

As you might be aware, AI has become the new norm, due to which our livelihood has essentially been threatened. Why would any company hire a human over using a free AI bot that speeds up their work and is far from authentic? Hence, unemployment has risen across the globe. And Pakistan is among those unfortunate nations.

And you had the audacity to question our government!

But this email is your knight in shining armour. For we have a life-changing opportunity for you.

Firstly, you shall delete such an obsolete and poorly researched blog. Such poor works of fiction might get you your 15 minutes of fame, but would not achieve any satisfaction among the public and certainly not us.

But this is not a threat!

Although not deleting such anti-national views shall not be tolerated, as the government has to maintain the peace of this nation.

Hence, we have a proposal for you.

To truly mend your path and to new beginnings.

Congratulations! You Have Been Selected to Join Yet Another Government Committee!

You have a great passion for creating imaginary scenarios, and we truly need it.

Your Duties

As you know, our nation is engulfed in rising tension, from inflation to protests across the country; hence, another committee has been commissioned. To address the paperwork and possibly the resolutions in the near future, if people in power take our work into account, as their busy schedules allow, we shall need people, and you are perhaps the best choice.

With up to 12 meetings per week, a number that keeps growing due to the uncertain socio-political and economic environment that results in constant modification of reports, documentation, and recommendations by the committee, your ideas and imagination will allow us to explore beyond the limits of what this committee can do.

You are to be responsible for clauses, sub-clauses, and clauses for these clauses and sub-clauses to make the reports grow thicker in quantity and quality — if that interests you — but remember: the higher the number of reports, the higher your pay will be. For we need as much information about these national crises as possible in as much time as possible because the public shall be put to rest as we demonstrate our relentless efforts for solving an issue — for which we probably have no real power over.

Remember, the anticipation of death is worse than death itself. Hence, our mission is to evade doubt and fear of the public so that the sweet peace of utter delusion can be restored.

It’s an opportunity of a lifetime. Give it a chance, and you shall change your life entirely as I did. Now I don’t need to think, fear, and enrage myself with things such as my use of free will to realise we are all ultimately doomed by our leaders who are drunk on their power and are least concerned by us.

Sincerely,

A former blogger turned an enlightened servant