Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un – Verily we belong to Allah, and verily to Him we shall return.
Nobody is ever truly ready to read the pop-up text on WhatsApp saying, “With profound grief, I am here to inform you that… has passed away.”
It is either a text, a status, or a story on social media that nowadays delivers news of births and deaths. You might be scrolling through everyone’s updates leisurely when you stumble upon the news of your uncle’s death posted at six o’clock in the morning. No phone call; nobody even bothered to contact you directly, just posted a status to let everyone know. What if someone missed it, or didn’t have time to check?
Once, news of a death was announced through mosques, and people made direct phone calls to ensure everyone was informed on time, helping the family of the deceased by spreading the word to every relative and acquaintance. However, WhatsApp is not lagging behind in mediating condolences; it has become our primary hub of information. You never know when, amidst your daily routine, you will receive news of the death of someone you were not even thinking of. Social media has digitalised grief itself.
“Your uncle died this morning due to cardiac arrest. We rushed to the hospital but unfortunately couldn’t save his life.”
This text is typically followed by a predictable sequence of replies: “It is extremely devastating to hear.” “May his soul rest in peace.” “When is his funeral?”
This digitalised grief relies on a set pattern of words, tone, and style. Reading through the replies, you sense a monotonous and fragile expression of emotion. Each text seems identical – a bizarre outcome given that everyone holds a unique relationship with the deceased. How can responses be so uniform? This is where messaging creates complications; a typed text rarely transfers genuine feeling and can often make simple interactions feel cold or complex. Yet, when one genuinely does not know how to respond, copied prayers and template texts offer a convenient proxy. People send videos, voice notes, and messages with specific emojis to signal their participation in someone’s sorrow.
What if the bereaved person simply needs a shoulder to lean on, but instead finds themselves reading your text – sent from across the same town – stating: “I am so sorry to hear about your loss. May your father rest in peace, and may your heart be filled with patience.” What patience are we referring to when what they immediately require is tangible emotional support? Instead, all they receive is a message expressing sorrow for their loss and an excuse about a heavy workload preventing attendance at the funeral. It is a tragic irony when a person uses WhatsApp to pay condolences when they could easily offer ta’ziyat in person.
Yet, alongside these drawbacks, technological advancement brings clear benefits. Sitting miles away and unable to attend a funeral, one can now observe the rituals through video calls and recorded clips. You can participate by sending voice recordings of Quranic recitations. Preferring a voice note over a brief text allows your voice to convey authentic emotion – the pauses taken and the heavy tone show how deeply touched you are. When you cannot be physically present, social media helps you connect virtually and spiritually so that you do not feel entirely excluded. It can never replace physical presence, but there is comfort in witnessing the proceedings through a screen and being included in the collective mourning.
With this comfort, however, comes new discomfort – the anxiety of drafting an appropriate response and the tension of waiting for a reply. Should one include an emoji when expressing sorrow, and are three words sufficient, or should one write a full paragraph? Conversely, the grieving individual is placed under immense pressure to reply to every message offering sympathy and support. Features like “read receipts” demand an immediate acknowledgement. It reveals how impatient technology has made us when we expect prompt replies from someone currently processing a profound loss.
Ultimately, when physical presence is difficult to offer, WhatsApp fills the gap, allowing us to sit virtually beside the grieving.