Society always finds women who are confident and opinionated problematic. Women are taught to be submissive from a young age; they are taught how to make themselves smaller and how to be accommodating and nurturing to others. They are taught that their womanhood depends on knowing how to manage the household and on behaving in a feminine way. Hence, when women begin to complain and question why things are the way they are, they are othered and excluded from the “real woman” category. Women who then fit in the category of how a “woman” is supposed to be are those who are submissive; society showers them with praise for suppressing their thoughts and conforming to the patriarchal standards. This can be perceived as “low maintenance.”
What is a low-maintenance woman? Rather, who are the low-maintenance women? They conform to the patriarchal standards that society sets for women by not speaking up, making themselves smaller, ignoring their emotions yet attending to others, and sacrificing themselves just to be labelled as a “good woman”. Low-maintenance women fear offending the other gender and society at large, suggesting that these characteristics are embedded in their identity. They think that being a good or real woman makes them who they are, and it is one of their purposes. Low-maintenance women can be found in homes, the workplace, relationships and friendships.
In traditional homes led by men, women are expected to be quiet and listen, follow the men’s lead without questioning it, take care of the household and the children, and do the home chores. In an article by Barigozzi et al., who investigated the cognitive and emotional burden associated with organising household and childcare tasks within heterosexual couples, they found that 63% of women report being the primary organiser, and 52% of men confirm that their partner holds this role. It shows that already there are unequal expectations in the home for women and men. According to society, that’s what a good woman does. But at what cost? Doing most things on your own and taking care of others can also be exhausting and affect mental health; they hold it in, and with suppressed emotion comes stress and emotional depletion, which can lead to fatigue.
In the workplace, women who are quiet, who do not try to take men’s leadership positions and who are not difficult are praised and are rewarded with approval. Those who attempt to take leadership positions become problematic and sometimes subjected to harassment, whether emotional, physical or mental. They work hard and then fear asking for recognition for their hard work, and do not call out discrimination because they do not want to be labelled as too confident and difficult. They also do more emotional labour by being nice to people even though they are mean to them and show no appreciation for them and doing office housework such as making tea for the men in their workplace. A Samsung Newsroom survey revealed that women are asked to make tea or coffee almost three times as often (42%) as men (16%), and in other surveys, women are expected to do unpaid office labour while men are not. They are also twice as likely to do admin tasks. This may increase feelings of burnout. As reported, women burn out more often: 75% of women under 37 and 71% of women aged 35-54 reported burnout symptoms. This shows the detrimental consequences women face for carrying too much to maintain and uphold their “real” or “true” womanhood title only to be rewarded by approval and praise.
For generations and generations, women have been taught that they must keep quiet, their role and purpose being to take care of the household and bear children, and that they exist to assist the other gender, but in some parts of the world, women are challenging these ideologies by speaking up, taking up leadership roles and understanding that their womanhood is beyond house chores and silence.
Not being a low-maintenance woman does not mean that you are a difficult person, too much or not woman enough. It means you are willing to use your voice and put your mental health first, which is good for you. With the feminist movement, women have begun to move away from depending on praise as validation, and that is something that all women should do.