In a country where women make up 48.4% of the population (NCSW 2017) and are the backbone of the very culture that the country is known for, it is often surprising to see the astonishingly low number of women out and about in the streets and even in their own houses. They make up mothers, wives, daughters and sisters, and this further begs the question: how are we as a society able to hide almost half of the population so incredibly well?
From the moment a daughter is born, it is as if her fate is sealed within a tight envelope of patriarchal, cultural and religious norms. As this same daughter continues to grow, she is expected to act a certain way. From the perspective of a daughter, family gatherings are different from those of their male counterparts. Speak, but not too loudly. Or better yet, do not speak at all. Wear something longer, cover your head, and take this tray of snacks to the drawing room. Why did you laugh along with the guys? It is as if these phrases come in printed copies along with the birth certificate, repeated so many times that they are drilled into the minds of young girls. In Pakistani society, women are given a handbook to life, a set of rules never to be broken, or else be shunned from civilisation. Those who bow their heads and follow these rules are labelled as “good” girls and women. And those who do not? Well, there are too many titles to count, and none of them are pleasant.
Our society demonstrates an obsession with the “good girl” complex. The Pakistani society continues to reward women who abide by the prospect of obedience and silence. A good girl, essentially a woman in Pakistan who covers her head, does not talk to boys, stays inside her home, offers five prayers a day as a Muslim, does not talk back or in a loud voice, is a girl who obeys the orders of her father, husband, brother and all men in her family like divine commandments, and is a girl who has smothered her soul and watered herself down in order to become easier to swallow. It is strange how a whole population of human beings are only deemed acceptable when they are nothing but hollow caricatures of themselves.
These rules, which are set by men for women so that men’s lives become easier and their actions are not questioned, are hidden behind a veil of culture and religion. Every time a girl speaks up, she is told to shut up since “This is just our culture” or the world-famous “Log Kiya Kaheingy.” These repeated commandments enforce intense psychological and emotional effects on women, which are often ignored. The constant berating of the elders and their treatment of every action that a girl does as a crime absolutely destroys a female’s self-confidence. The walking on eggshells, the hiding, the half-truths, and the occasional lie just to save their own skins engrave the guilt of a crime in their chests that they haven’t even committed.
We often overlook the problem of treating conversations with a person of the opposite gender as the ultimate act of blasphemy. A girl who has no interactions with males outside of her family will almost always have difficulty facing other men. She would lack confidence in her own identity and think of a simple interaction as something so intimidating, and she would rather stay quiet than speak.
The world is changing, and it is changing rapidly. At this point, if we do not change our ideology regarding women, who make up half of the world, and continue to suppress and oppress them, we might never be able to show actual progress as a society. In Pakistan, where our hospitable culture often comes at the cost of mothers, sisters, and wives breaking their backs in the kitchen, we treat these women as background noise instead of recognising them as the hands behind the operation, smothering their voices and identities under the good girl complex. Life began with a woman, and it still continues to do so. Thus, a world that exists because of a woman has no right to silence her.