Guide for the First Day of School
#Survival Manual to Teenagehood
1. Dress the Part
Pick the most neutral outfit in your closet. Ensure it fits the recent “trend algorithm” so you fit in perfectly.
2.Be Present
Attend your classes and initiate conversations with your fellow students. Be sure to show a little fake enthusiasm for their interests to keep the gears turning.
3. Keep it Casual
Tell everyone you’re not into politics or current affairs. Show them you’re “too cool” to have ambitions.
4. The Hangout
Make hangout plans at a nearby overpriced coffee shop and dance to a couple of TikToks.
Congratulations, you are part of a ‘friend group’ now. For the remainder of your school years, you will do countless things under peer pressure, endure multiple identity crises, and invest your time and energy into impressing people just to remain socially relevant.
The Cultural Imperative
You recently turned 16. Sitting at the dining table, simply trying to enjoy your meal, your parents start questioning you about your future. At first, you are honest with them about how lost you feel, but their reaction is not what you expected. They “lose their marbles” upon hearing your statement, frantically trying to make you realise just how vital career planning is and why you need to start immediately.
After several repetitions of the same incident, you eventually master the art of lying about your intentions. You feed them “noble plans,” watching those satisfied expressions wash over their faces as they finally leave you in peace.
By the time you get to school, the pattern is simple: you tell adults the prestigious things they want to hear, and you talk to your peers about doing something “cool” and “adrenaline-filled,” all while carefully concealing your inner desires.
Online Aesthetics
Your friend group has a strict “uniform profile picture” rule that gives debutantes of the 1950s a run for their money in adapting to strict social norms. The rules are simple: no overlapping aesthetics. Shoving your creative side into the closet to avoid being called a copycat, you drop your own ideas of fashion. To rebel against your friends is a one-way ticket to the “geeks and freaks” table during lunch.
Now you are a “Y2K girl,” embracing the vintage vibes of the early 2000s and wearing low-rise jeans, which steal a little of your dignity every time you have to pick something off the floor.
Constant Switching
In the beginning, belonging felt easy. Your parents were proud; your mentors were satisfied. But with time, the “imposter” slowly took root. Nothing you do in your life is on your own merits; you are simply a mirror for others’ desires.
You become codependent on your peers for social validation. You no longer trust your own mind to make life decisions. There is a gaping void where your identity should be, filled with curdling resentment for the very people you were trying to please. Your fragmented selfhood has become a survival strategy.
Soon you will enter the workforce, marry, and raise children. The facade will grow heavier with time. You have mastered the art of being everything to everyone, which is, of course, the most efficient way to be absolutely no one at all.
Conclusion
Have you practised the art of “constant switching” until it has turned into subconscious muscle memory? If so, then heartiest congratulations are in order: you have officially excelled at the 21st century’s greatest adolescent survival skill.