Should respect have credentials, or is it a basic right?
Respecting elders is engraved into the fabric of Pakistani culture. An act of morality, upbringing, and even faith, but when does this respect go too far? Is every elder deserving of respect, and should age be the simplest criterion for unbounding respect?
Shouldn’t respect be earned based on actions, treatment, and achievements? What do we call this type of blind respect? Obedience or entrapment?
Our culture defines authority and respect by age, a deadly trap for the younger generations who don’t get to decide their heroes but inherit them. To further set this programme in stone, our culture gave us a rule book, a simple yet effective formula:
- Never question your elders.
- Never defy your elders.
- Always assume they are right.
- Believe that they know what’s best for you.
Stick to this rulebook, and society declares you good enough, still not great, because the respect elders surveillance programme wants puppets and robots, not a new generation with their own rulebook and ideas.
The issue does not lie in respect; it lies in the act of blind obedience. When every question is answered with “kyunke woh barre hain,” it undermines the act of earning respect and the choice of whom you respect.
Respect is earned, not given, unless you are old enough to be considered an elder in Pakistani society. Respect is not simply a term or a habit but a currency in Pakistan. A currency that defines social standing, morality, relations, and even safety in certain scenarios. Respect is given not based on morals, actions, or even achievements but simply based on age.
An earned right given away with no guidelines, restrictions, or code of conduct.
The currency of respect defines authority, importance, and connections. It creates a hierarchy, a hierarchy that waits for no one and nothing. It has strict jurisdiction, a king at the top, and the youngest are the lowest in the food chain, with no right to respect but with the duty of giving it to every person higher than them, with no regard for their feelings or actions.
What happens when we teach a culture blind obedience in the name of respect? What happens when we teach generation after generation that to question is to defy and rebel?
What happens is that we create a herd of blind sheep that will willingly walk to their doom if that is what is told to them. It creates a culture based on false beliefs, misuse of power, and the death of change.
Our culture is a living, breathing example of this. How many things do we follow and believe in simply because that is how it was always done, or that is how our elders told us it was done? From the practices of dowry to the normalisation of abuse, how many times have our elders twisted religion to fit their agenda? And now, as we learn, educate, and question, the only response we get is wide-eyed notions of respect.
Respect, even if it means following age-old, ignorant practices that harm generations in the form of trauma, loss of rights, and breakdown of faith?
This blind obedience is surveillance; it requires ignorance and silence to function. The moment we stop asking questions under the guise of disrespect, we lose every aspect of freedom of speech, intellect, and change.
How many women do we put at risk when we normalise abuse, trauma, and unpaid labour in the name of respect? How many elders have abused and molested their own children under the guise of respect? How many men have lost all power in their homes in the face of their elders, complying with ideas that they might not believe in?
The answer is countless. Our culture has turned the noble act of respect into blind obedience that creates a chain of ignorance and entraps people in a loop. Instead of creating heroes, idols, and elders we can genuinely look up to and ask for help, our culture created a land of tyrants who use respect as both their shield and weapon.
To shield them against any contempt and to use against anyone who dares to question their authority.
Questioning authority is a basic human right in every advanced and educated society. Our own religion teaches us to ask questions and not to follow anything we are told with blind obedience. Furthermore, our religion also teaches us to respect our elders out of morality, not obedience.
Disrespect and defiance are two separate ideas. As a society, we must unlearn the meaning of respect. The moment we mix up obedience with respect, we lose every aspect of a high-functioning society with individuality. Respect everyone; follow a select few.
The solution is simple: respect all your elders until they prove otherwise with their actions. Be aware of what you believe in; take advice and ask questions, but remember the decision is yours.
In true essence, our elders are not our enemies. Elders who don’t act like tyrants can become pillars of society, support, and wells of wisdom that we can benefit from throughout our lives.
Blind obedience to anyone is the beginning of a dictatorship and the textbook definition of fascism. If we do not question, we do not learn, we do not change, and we do not grow.
In conclusion, we must respect and care for those who are older than us; however, we must differentiate between our hopes and dreams and theirs. We should only listen and obey after understanding the circumstances, questioning and understanding instead of simply basing it on the idea of unbound respect.