Mehndi isn’t for the bride anymore

Mehndi, Haldi, and Sangeet are different variations of the same event. Most popularly known as Mehndi, it is a pre-wedding ceremony where henna is applied to the bride’s hands and feet to bless her with good luck, often related to the myth that if brides achieve a deep, dark henna shade, their husbands will love them unconditionally. However, this event, once primarily organised to ease the bride’s nerves and allow her one last night of fun with her loved ones, is now manipulated solely for the bridesmaids’ enjoyment. 

The event where the bride was always the centre of attention has now been diverted to one where all the attention is now replaced by the outfits of the bridesmaids. From designer outfits to professional photoshoots, bridesmaids are increasingly stealing the bride’s thunder. Recently, bridesmaids have been influenced by advertisements from designer brands promoting a trend of wearing heavy, sparkly dresses. Such dresses often outshine the bride’s wedding gown or closely resemble it.

Often, the bride prefers to wear a simple, sophisticated dress after being advised by her bridal party to save all the glamour for her main day, the barat, because otherwise, her main-day look will get overshadowed, followed by the desi aunties’ favourite statement, ‘roop nahi aya’. This procedure gives the bridesmaids the freedom to express themselves freely, without any restrictions or limitations. Some bridesmaids even go as far as wearing their own bridal outfits to their close relatives’ or friends’ weddings. 

If their outfits don’t steal the spotlight, then their performances do. The new ‘trend’ is for bridesmaids to perform dance performances to entertain the guests, but is it really for the sake of entertainment, or is it the selfish desire to have all eyes on themselves? Even if it is for a limited amount of time, the need to seek attention from the bride’s family calls for a time-out in a corner. Before these performances, the bridesmaids practise for months in advance, learning from professional tutorials, spending endless hours in the name of practice. While all the bridesmaids are on the dance floor having the night of their lives, the bride sits silently clapping on the stage, overwhelmed by her anxiety, with no one around to calm her down. The bride herself is only meant to sit on the stage silently like a pretty thing to admire, but god forbid she comes off the floor and dances at her mehndi because that would be something a behaya aurat would do, not someone who comes from a decent family with a moral upbringing.

As if the ceremony wasn’t enough, the bridesmaids have their own separate entrance as well. After the bride’s entrance, traditionally the bridesmaids are supposed to follow behind carrying thaals, which are decorated plates in vibrant colours filled with sweets, henna, and oil for the rasm. However, this tradition is now followed by another ritual, ludi, which is a cultural dance performed in a circle while clicking their fingers, clapping their hands, or using decorated sparkly sticks, along with jumps and half turns. This tradition is filled with laughs and meaningful memories for those participating in it, but the bride remains isolated to the side.

While having lunch with my sister-in-law, she revealed that she never wanted to have a Mehndi function for her wedding because she did not feel comfortable sitting all glammed up in front of everyone to be judged and criticised for what was wrong with her look. Instead, what she actually desired was a night of fun with her friends where she could actually participate in traditions and not just spectate like a distant guest. However, her parents practically forced her to have the event because ‘Mehndis are held to host your friends.’ Is this really what this vibrant and joyous event has been manipulated into? The primary purpose of this function is to fulfil your friends’ needs, not your personal desires and wishes. 

This new trend needs to change. Mehndi is supposed to be the bride’s last night with her family before she gets married. The night is supposed to be filled with jokes and laughter as well as advice for the bride before she transitions into married life. The event should be loaded with memories that the bride will cherish from now on. To say that Mehndi is an event for the bridesmaids is wrong; it is one of the most important days for the bride, and to steal attention from her is incredibly selfish and egotistical. Future bridesmaids are kindly encouraged to choose outfits and performances that complement the event without drawing excessive attention. If the bride becomes a guest at her own Mehndi, then the celebration has already missed its mark.