Pakistan was finally able to be at the top of a world ranking! But what ranking was it? Yup, you guessed it right. One of our major cities, Lahore, was honoured with being ranked first for being the most polluted city in the world. The only other city that sometimes surpasses us is Delhi (so the infamous rivalry even continues here).
The Air Quality Index (AQI) soars past 400 every now and then and this is 20 times higher than the safe limits. Who needs to smoke now since our own country is providing us with free lung cancer! So, what have the authorities done to deal with this issue? According to them the situation has “improved” from last year but the AQI is still extremely hazardous and Lahore’s ranking of being the most polluted city only fluctuates a little when Delhi decides to compete. Where every breath feels like it would be the last, this is a complete survival guide on how to face off Pakistan’s smog with a 50% chance that you will get a lung disease before even entering the warzone!
Another Trend to Follow
Forget those overpriced N95 respirators, with how our air quality is going many have started strapping onions to their faces. Supposedly, onion’s certain chemical properties help reduce effects of pollutant gases. Just throw some glitter on the onion mask and it will become acceptable for today’s society or else you might get cancelled! As the smog season is on peak don’t forget to buy your onion masks from your local street vendor.
Even clean air isn’t free now!
Want clean and fresh air? Just buy it from your local kiriyana store! Might be a cheap copy but who cares as long as it is cheap right? You can even start your own small business! Just get some air (try not to die though!), filter it (optional) and label it as “All Organic Purified Air” and put it online and you now have a successful business. Bonus points if you send it to Hania Amir as PR and force her to post about it. Now for dowry, just give air baskets to your son-in-law and he will never leave your daughter!
At this rate maybe we would need air farms by the end of this decade. What would they even use to purify the air? Gas-icides? Though we don’t need to worry much about that. The probability of us dying before it is invented is more than our government doing something effective.
Nose hair health insurance
Ever heard of nose hair health insurance? Well now you have. Just leave it to Pakistanis to find new ways to overspend their money. First it was Faiza Beauty Cream then Matcha and now this. Well who are we to judge? No idea how our burnt nasal hair can be fixed but whatever the new trend is, it might be the only way you can get accepted by this society. Now when you try to impress a girl just tell her you get nose hair treatment (quite a performative male act in my opinion) and next month you two will probably be getting married. You can even ask your parlour wali didi for tips to avoid smog-burns. She probably will start nose hair transplants in a few weeks.
Conclusion
However, in all seriousness this article explores the dark reality of smog. People are dying while we are getting excited about smog holidays. Hospitals are filling up with patients with respiratory issues. We have normalized smog to a dangerous level and this needs to be changed. There is a dire need for new policies and strict action against polluting industries. We don’t need a change, we have to become the change.