‘Go and get me a glass of water.’
‘Make me breakfast, now.’
‘Why aren’t my clothes ironed?’
‘I don’t want this dinner; make me something else.’
‘I need some money right now.’
These, along with many other phrases, are a common part of our daily lives. What is common among all these sentences? An angry or frustrated tone and aggressive body language.
Leaving these phrases here, now let’s take a look at the past three months’ murder cases which involved youth:
– Mustafa Amir – a young boy killed by his friends over some personal issues.
– A 13-year-old maid, killed by her employers because she stole some chocolates.
– A mother killed by her own son because she failed to deliver him breakfast on time during Ramadan.
– A single mother, killed by her minor son because she had no money to fulfil his demand.
– An 18-year-old daughter, killed by her father in the name of honour.
Observe the common factor in all of these cases except one, and you’ll find that all the victims were women.
All of the above behaviours point towards a single underlying issue: anger problems.
Anger issues in young adults, and even teenage children, can arise from various factors, including:
Developmental Factors:
Teenage children go through a surge of hormones and are more prone to experiencing mood swings, irritability, antisocial behaviour, etc., because they are going through major physical and psychological changes.
Mental Health Conditions:
Anger issues could also result from several mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, ADHD, PTSD, autism, and many other disorders.
Family Dynamics:
Learned behaviours that run in dysfunctional families and substance abuse can also contribute to a child experiencing issues with emotional regulation. In such families, teenagers often isolate themselves and fall prey to excessive screen use or drug abuse—the destruction of which is yet another story altogether.
Substance Abuse:
Alcohol and other narcotics can aggravate the pre-existing symptoms of anger and aggression.
Trauma:
A trauma experienced in the past that remains unresolved could also lead to significant anger issues.
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED):
This condition is characterised by sudden outbursts and bouts of anger that appear to arise out of nowhere but actually point towards serious internal struggles. It could result from long-term suppression of emotions.
Low Self-esteem:
Low self-esteem in young adults could also lead to anger issues.
Signs and Symptoms:
– Social isolation
– Irritability
– Mood swings
– Difficulty or inability to control anger
– Outbursts
Nowadays, these signs and symptoms are not just common among young adults, but also among children from toddlers to pre-teens. And whenever parents complain about these behaviours, they are often told it must be due to dietary deficits or too much screen time, etc. But we often fail to identify the root cause.
If you talk to a child or a teenager and ask them about their aggressive behaviour, they will never say, ‘Because I was weak’ or ‘Because I watched too much TV.’
The answer is always something painful, like:
“I felt lonely,” or “I was bullied and nobody helped me,” or “I was always compared with other siblings or friends who performed better academically,” etc.
Young children are also human beings. They have big emotions, and they do not always know how to express them in a healthy way. When they are not treated with empathy and kindness, they begin to suppress those emotions due to fear of rejection or punishment. But those same children, when they grow into adults—still not knowing how to express emotions in a healthy way—develop anger issues to the point where a sudden outburst could result in a devastating loss, such as a life.
Those teenagers or adults will always take out their anger on the weaker individuals, and in our patriarchal society, those weaker victims are mostly women.
An African proverb sums it up:
“A child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”
Similarly, vitamin deficiencies and suppressed emotions in women living in the toxic environment of joint family systems also contribute greatly towards the development of depression and exacerbate anger issues—but labelling them as ‘just being hormonal’ is deeply wrong.
Here are some possible solutions:
Acceptance:
Acknowledge what is out of control and focus on what can be improved.
Identify Triggers:
By identifying and working on triggers, young adults can certainly decrease their anger issues.
Parental Support:
Parents or caregivers can play a crucial role by providing a safe environment and teaching young children how to regulate their emotions and express them healthily.
Building Self-esteem:
A family plays a vital role in building a child’s self-esteem. If we constantly compare them with other children and only point out their shortcomings, they will grow into adults with low self-worth. Every child is unique and has a different set of abilities. We must appreciate them and help them recognise their strengths.
Family Therapy:
A famous saying goes:
“A boy will become at least half of what his father was.”
This means children learn and absorb a lot of things from their parents. If parents are not emotionally healthy, they should begin with family therapy to break generational trauma—because you can’t pass on what you don’t have.
Development of Coping Mechanisms:
Coping mechanisms such as deep breathing, exercise, meditation, writing, and art therapy can also help individuals control their emotions.
Professional Help:
If anger issues have become severe and persistent, and the person becomes a threat to others, seeking professional help is the only way forward.
I once read somewhere:
“Forgive your parents once you become an adult.”
This means that once you’re grown, you can no longer keep blaming your parents for what they lacked. It becomes your own responsibility to work on yourself and become a healthy human being.
And in this era, no adult lacks access to the knowledge of what is right or wrong.
There is no wrong that cannot be made right—if only you take responsibility.