Some time ago, I had a brief conversation with a senior in my medical university. I showed her my disdain for how one of our consultants treats his students pretty badly, how he screams at them unreasonably without any regard for their self-respect or self-confidence, and how he thinks he can destroy careers without any accountability. Her response was a natural but disappointing one. She accepted his behavior as toxic but said,
“Yahan to ye sab hota hi hai, to kya karen?”
(“This is quite common here; what can we do to change it?”)
I thought long and deep about my senior’s response. She is now working as a house officer in the city’s big hospital, and hopefully, she will do wonders in her future as well. However, I kept questioning myself: How could a learned, well-educated, and confident individual accept toxic surroundings? Why was it normal for her to live within a depreciating environment as naturally as if she were born into it? Have we normalized trauma? Is bearing violence and punishment passively the new definition of strength?
Feel Your Feelings
Feelings are important. They tell you what is right for you, what is absolutely wrong for you, and what needs to be changed. You are happy about your success, anxious about the uncertainty of your future, and sad about the punishment you did not deserve. You grieve over someone close to you dying. You are scared when an authority unjustifiably threatens you with your wealth, safety, and family. You are furious when someone tries to take over what is rightfully yours. These are real feelings, and they are meant to be felt. If we suppress these emotions in the guise of strength and resilience, what remains behind are lifeless people who have never thought of a better life for themselves, let alone tried for such a life.
We have been told to live through our traumas: go through the burning fire and come out on the other end as “victorious soldiers.” However, no one sees the truth: the soldier is burnt, traumatized, and silenced to bear injustice for the rest of his life. Today, he might be able to differentiate between what is right and what is wrong, but soon enough, as he goes through the same damage every day, he will not be able to see that he is being wronged anymore. Sadly, this will be the rest of his life. Sadly, this is how generational trauma begins.
Strength Comes from Trying
Personally, my real definition of beautiful patience comes from the people of Gaza. They have been through every form of horror that has ever existed on the face of this earth, but I have seen them stand up each time they are made to fall. They do not accept war as their journey, let alone their destination. They feel their horrors, they mourn over their losses, and then they raise themselves above everything. That is why their fight for their own freedom has continued from generation to generation, and that is why the perpetrators, with their luxurious resources, have never been able to reduce Gaza to dust as they have always aimed to.
Today, there are many tactics used to numb us to the pain of injustice. Our elders say this is how we survived, and this is how you should too. Our colleagues say this is how you lay low and tolerate; otherwise, you would feel the brunt of failure. Social media says your own life should be all fun and joy, even if the world on the other side is falling apart. Soon, our own selves begin to believe that yes, we have to live life as survivors of something. But why? Why can’t we change the narrative? Why can’t we risk deviating from the path and maybe create a new one to walk on? Why can’t we choose the failure of trying over surviving in the same monotonous, bleak-looking life? If we always have to live within the war, then why are we given the imagination of a peaceful world? Yes, today, if I try, I might never get to walk on the path of peace, safety, and comfort that I had spent my lifetime creating, but even if I cannot, my children will, and this is enough of a reason for me to start trying from today.