“There are two powers in the world; one is the sword, and the other is the pen. There is great competition and rivalry between the two. There is a third power stronger than both, that of women.”
– Muhammad Ali Jinnah.
I was discussing feudalism and its role in Pakistan’s politics with my friends, and abruptly, one of them suggested that I should read the sensational European bestseller My Feudal Lord, written by Tehmina Durrani and Marilyn Hoffe.
Tehmina Durrani is a Pakistani author and a prominent activist for children’s and women’s rights. She has been a vocal advocate against acid attacks on women in Pakistan. Durrani is widely known for her book My Feudal Lord, which I am about to review. This book profoundly impacted Pakistani society and shook it to its core. Tehmina is the wife of Shahbaz Sharif, the Prime Minister of Pakistan.
The book is a memoir of Durrani and is divided into four parts: Part One: Lion of the Punjab, Part Two: Law of the Jungle, and Part Three: Lioness. One of the most intriguing things I find about this book is that it revolves around a girl’s childhood trauma, toxic marriage, Pakistan’s political environment, and feudal culture.
Tehmina belonged to an influential family. Her father, who came from the Durrani tribe—she claims in the book that his family is descended from Ahmad Shah Durrani of Afghanistan—resigned from the army as a captain and later served in Pakistan International Airlines (PIA) before becoming the governor of the State Bank of Pakistan during Yahya Khan’s presidency. Her mother came from the Hayat family, and her maternal grandfather, Nawab Liaqat Hayat Khan, had served as the prime minister of the Patiala state in undivided India.
This book offers insights into the feudal mindset and the deeply entrenched patriarchal practices, particularly regarding the treatment of women. Tehmina provides a candid account of how Mustafa Khar—a politician and feudal lord—abused her, subjected her to gaslighting on multiple occasions, and manipulated her for his own schemes. Like many feudal or powerful men in the country, he even used religion to justify his actions. I’m not exaggerating, but after reading those harrowing interactions between her and Mustafa, I was struck by the pain she must have endured alone. She hid everything so resiliently, treating each new day as an opportunity and pretending like nothing had happened. She highlights how a feudal lord behaves like a demigod in his territory, ensuring that his peasants and servants vote for and remain subservient to him. She also mentioned that her husband kept her under surveillance, with no access to a phone or newspaper, and he refrained from allowing her to meet people.
I found it intriguing how childhood trauma and toxic behaviour from one’s parents can shape a person’s entire life. Tehmina had a good relationship with her father, but her relationship with her mother was strained. In the book, she describes several instances of how her mother treated her and mocked her for her skin colour. She expresses it clearly in her book: “Mother was not subtle about playing favourites. Almost every word and action indicated her preference for her lighter-skinned children—her son Asim, her daughters Minoo, and especially the baby Adila. Rubina, Zarmina, and I, the darker daughters, could never seem to please her.”
The book centres around various political events, including her husband’s tenure as Chief Minister of Punjab. She discusses his relationship with Bhutto, as well as their subsequent fallout. The author also reflects on her husband’s exile during Zia’s regime and shares her experiences of surviving a toxic marriage while living in London. Additionally, she provides insight into her husband’s political activities in exile, highlighting his meetings with personnel from Indian intelligence agencies to conspire against the Zia government.
Many people argue that Tehmina intentionally married Mustafa Khar after divorcing her first husband, Anees. However, I believe it’s wrong to blame the victim. Her decision to marry Mustafa and later Shehbaz Sharif was a personal choice, and she had the right to make it. Nonetheless, this does not justify the violence that was inflicted upon her simply because it was her choice. Although there are some controversies—and Pakistan is a petri dish for controversies—that doesn’t negate the fact that she went through all this during her marriage with Mustafa Khar.
It is important to recognise the writer’s efforts and resilience in surviving 14 long years of a toxic marriage. Kudos to her for her bravery; it takes immense courage to share and document such experiences, especially while living in an extremist, conservative, and intolerant society like Pakistan. I recommend this book to anyone seeking an in-depth understanding of feudalism and the personal actions of feudal lords, which are often hidden from the general public.
