Whenever I think of friendship, I remember a statement by Dr.Omer Suleiman: “One has no choice in which family he will be born, but one has the freedom to choose his friends.” It is a choice which we can make again and again in life. Scholars have discussed that friendship is the only relationship which can be established at any stage of life whether childhood, adulthood or old age. And it is the relationship for which we are responsible.
A friend is not just a person we happen to work with or stay connected to for a specific time on some common grounds. A true friend becomes a part of our existence. The person who always stands by our side through every moment of joy, sorrow and hardship, without asking. A friend is the person who listens and understands without any judgement.
Numerous studies have shown that friendship has a positive effect on a person’s mental and physical health. Strong social connections and friendships are connected to better mental health and stable heart activity. On the contrary, people with no close friends and few social connections are more prone to disturbed mental health, there are more chances of depression among them, due to loneliness.
Aristotle divided friendships into three different categories: the first is the “friendship of utility” where people connect to get benefited from each other. When the benefits end, the friendship ends. Second, is the “friendship of pleasure” when people connect because they enjoy each other’s company in a particular moment or season. Third, is the “friendship of virtue” which is the most enduring form of friendship according to Aristotle, a friendship that was connected by a mutual desire to see each other grow where each person helps the other to become better, wise and more whole.
In Islamic theology, friendship holds a deep significance. In a well known hadith it is stated that a person follows the religion of his close friend. Indicating that, the company we keep shapes us the way sometimes we don’t even realize. A good friend helps to live a life for a good cause, supports his friend to live a life which really has significant meaning, a purposeful life. We simply become the reflection of the company we keep. Which eventually leads to success and contentment not only in this world, but in the hereafter as well.
Many contemporary thinkers also explained friendship as the main element for human flourishing. Jacques Derrida, a French philosopher, specifically opposed the traditional idea of friendship. He argued that friendship is not a bond between people of equal capabilities. He stated that friendship requires “otherness” where the person you are friend with simply remains genuinely different from you. And his philosophy does not regard friendship as an individual phenomena only, but rather he discussed that friendship can help in building political communities. Suggesting that democracy like friendship should remain open to outsiders and strangers. He took democracy as an ongoing project that continues to expand inclusion accepting the differences.
The thing that matters is, it’s not only about having friends. It’s about the dynamics on which friendship operates. It is about choosing the right person, who can help us to draw the best out of us. Friendship is not about having someone buy your side, it’s about having someone who helps you grow, who holds your hand and guides you through the path that is best for you.