Jumping on the bed with joy, you finally embrace the holidays that bring back vivid memories. How were you going to break the news? How would you muster up the courage to scour through your bag for that wretched piece of paper with numbers etched on it — a father’s undoing? And so you creep when it’s dinner and everybody has gathered around before finally playing your deck. A silent declamation, a simple rustle of the paper as it is slid across the ebony table — a subtle glance out of the corner of his eye before the wrinkles appear etched between his brows. Your father’s voice carries off as he stares at the paper hard enough, hoping that any second now it might go up in flames. All the while you sit back, your throat closing in on itself, the guilt carving at your ribs, because you were cruel — how could you have been so insensitive?
Midnight takes over later than you wish it would, and there he sits, his head placed meticulously in his palms, smoothing them over his head as if the misery would settle itself. You see him — a man of pride and wisdom now crippled with exhausting burdens he never lets see the light of day. In that moment, a wordless vow imprints itself in your mind.
“For all that I am and all that I have, this anguishing calamity will never touch either parent.”
That night, you go to your room, determined to make amends through rigorous studying and repaying the expenses incurred on your behalf, as that is the only method you know. A vision no child should have the courtesy of experiencing.
The burden of better
While money may be tight, it seems life has narrowed its passages for you as well; what was deemed affordable for all really is affordable for a few. To even be considered on the same level, the middle class must constantly strive for better education, better accents, and better jobs. Though every upgrade comes at a cost — one so blinding, the financial strain rings in their ears even louder. Nonetheless, to make a dent in this monotonous cycle, they do what they must for their children to strive and thrive in their near future.
Ahmed, Amin. “Pakistan has the second-highest household expenditure on education in South Asia at 57 pc: report.” Dawn, 10 December 2021.
Thus, every extra rupee for “better schooling” gets listed off as a debt of ambition
The children of pressure
The children, more often than not, are dragged along this route of misery, where every penny spent upon them is listed off as a “loan” they must pay back. What couldn’t have been done by either parent was now an inheritance for the youth to carry on the family dreams, irrespective of whether they can afford it. The child is taught to dream — dream bigger than their status and envision a future more preeminent. While the youth now shoulder a herculean task of making it, day and night, they study with blood, sweat and tears to find even a single way of paying back their parents’ debt — monetary or emotional. Nevertheless, the word “education” becomes synonymous with an “escape route.”
While they try to motivate them further with phrases like “study hard so you won’t end up like us” or “we have spent every penny on you; don’t let us down,” it really does quite the opposite; the pressure to succeed takes more than they can give — chewing off more bit by bit till burnoutpersists and the child is backed into a corner of not making it.
According to a school-based survey conducted in Karachi, 17.3% of children aged 5-11 years had at least one DSM-IV psychiatric diagnosis.
The fear of failure claws at their chest, tearing apart what little belief they had. They start a chain of comparison — comparison between themselves and those children who never really had to work for anything in their life, yet whatever it is they desire seems to appear at their doorstep as if by witchcraft. They no longer study to learn but to relieve, believing their grades dictate the amount of affection they deserve; every report card starts feeling like a bill due date.
The mental toll becomes immense; with the need to justify their parents’ investment, they grow acquainted with anxiety, burn out and even identity loss. Despite everything, when the outcomes don’t match either side’s expectations, resentment grows tenfold.
Society mirage
It is a known concept travelling down from centuries that private institutions that offer an English medium curriculum while simultaneously favouring Western values and cultures are deemed to be far more scrupulous. Thus, despite the strain of putting together every penny to pay the costly fees, the parents do everything in their power to not let their child feel less than anyone.
A survey of private schools across Pakistan found that in rural regions a majority (around 87%) of primary-level private schools charge less than Rs 500 per month tuition; in urban/richer areas the fees are much higher.
If the above-cited source is true, then why does the balance tip towards private schooling? It’s not their fault, really; schools built upon the foundations of the West have now become a symbol of status rather than meaningful education, whereas local, more affordable schools are regarded as obsolete — lacking modernity. Alternatively, they forget that these schools are what represent the moral standards of their country. A certain class difference strikes the mind when local and private institutions are stood together on the same level, affordable yet lacking whereas expensive yet generational debt.
The English medium myth long lives on settling deep into the child’s mind, feeling embarrassment for themselves just by the thought of thinking they’ll end up at a local school, a certain contrasting entity set apart by society itself. Our people forget that those schools reflect our commitments to our culture and values. In this race of competing with the West, we forget the East had much more to begin with.
The emotional cost
In this marathon of making it, the routes turn narrower before they ever turn wide.
The house, once a home, now feels cold and empty. Guilt trickling from every room
Combined with the financial strain almost choking them, the dinner table is finally set; living corpses move around taking their seats, pretending that their life is perfect and no setback has ever touched them. It was never their fault. What parent doesn’t want to see their child on the same level, achieving the same things as others more fortunate? The price doesn’t matter if the child has a brighter future; what’s worth a little exhaustion if not seeing their child stand on the grandstand, head held high and a self-confident gleam twinkling in their eye?
But the sidelines seat the child, observing from a distance how his parents are letting fatigue eat them raw, depleting their time to provide anything and everything. The paradox knocks at their door, bringing gratitude and suffocation with it to visit.
Laughter gets muffled by bills, and tears get hidden behind textbooks; unknowingly, the love turns transactional. Expectations double over until they spill onto the dinner table, every gaze scrutinising, every talk a reminder.
The child knows the extent of what’s on the line and how many aspirations hang off his back, and so he pushes — pushes till the only thing on his mind is success and repaying his parents for all the hardship they went through because of him. Never taking anything for granted, he is eternally grateful for all that has been given to him, yet when the clock strikes 12, it becomes a matter of survival to secure his spot in this life.
The true cost of aspirations
When dreams start colliding with suffocation, they stop being dreams. Aspiration itself isn’t the enemy here. Every child has the right to want a better future for themselves, one not linked with this heavy burden. Following this perspective, many children drop out and succumb to their financial strain, letting it dictate their lives, trying to create any and every possibility of ease for their parents. Though, is this really a good option?
In households weighed down by debt, ambition becomes currency. Each generation dreams of escaping the cycle of debt, yet unknowingly repeats it. The real aspiration isn’t just making it; it’s freeing their family from the shackles of proving one’s worth every time they step foot into a room.