In a development that sent political pundits and late-night comedians scrambling to catch up, the President of the United States, Donald Trump, has floated the idea that Canada become the 51st state. The incentive, one may ask? Free the U.S.’s visionary “Golden Dome” missile defence system, a mere $175 billion effort. Otherwise, Canada would have to pony up a whopping $61 billion to play. Fundamentally, it’s like offering a free ticket to a concert that nobody wants to go to, or in this case, a missile defence system that nobody wants to use.
In the statement, Trump said that Canada was “considering” the offer, which he characterised both categorically and positively on Truth Social. Canadians reacted the way you’d think Canadians would respond to someone proposing that instead of hockey, we should have tackle football. It would be asking the polar bear to surf nicely but firmly, and saying no. Absolutely not! Prime Minister Mark Carney also quickly rebuffed the idea, saying, “Canada is not for sale.” Canadian officials have called the idea absurd, confusing, and uninvited, which, coincidentally, is also how most Canadians grimly regard the state of American politics. Some flavour was added to the rebuttal by Bob Rae, Canada’s ambassador to the UN, who commented that it sounded like a “protection racket.” In effect, what Trump did was to get himself a copy of “Nice country you got there. Shame if something happened to it” cover title. Even King Charles dropped by soon after, delivering a speech to reaffirm Canada’s independence. He didn’t even refer to Trump by name, but the subtext was thicker than maple syrup in January.
In the meantime, it appears that Canadians have turned the entire event into a meme buffet online. One post depicted a moose side-eyeing a bald eagle, with the caption, “We’re good, thanks.” Others cracked that Trump just needs more convenient ketchup, chips, and Drake, or that he’s attempting to make Canada the 51st state of bewilderment. Canada’s online response? Ice cold, on-brand, and politely savage.
Polls indicate that the majority of Canadians are not on board. More than 80% reject the idea outright. The others who missed out were either asleep when the news was making the rounds or assumed it was some sort of satire. Honestly, it kind of is Canada going to the U.S. is almost as unlikely as Florida letting a snowman run the state. Sure, the U.S. has cheeseburgers and reality TV, but it also has healthcare, Drake, and a moral high ground. And they have already permitted Americans to visit without demanding statehood. And yet, as the conversation unfolds, one thing becomes crystal clear: Canada is its own, independent nation, and any challenge to that is likely to face as much resistance as two shots of espresso in a Tim Hortons brew.
